Letting down the barriers of fear when dating
Dating can be fraught with fear and nerves. As lots of dating is arranged through online activity, this can be scary for shy people or for anyone who has been away from dating for some years or for those who are really feeling despair over finding ‘the one’. If you are terribly fearful, you might be better placed to secure the services of a dating coach/agent such as Sharon Kenny – The Matchmaker. Before you embark on the dating scene again, consider some of the pro and cons before you set off.
When we are getting to know someone we have to give some of our power away without any guarantees.
We start to let someone in and let ourselves be vulnerable again to potentially the wrong person.
In letting someone in, we carry the risk that in a short while, we will experience that sinking feeling that we don’t like them after all.
We have invited potential all out disruption into our cosy lives of netflix, takeaway and drinks with our friends. But what about the pros and there are many and they feel newer, nicer and fresher than the cons, here are a few.
You might actually have fun, who knew.
You could end up doing stuff you never thought you would e.g. ziplining anyone, a day at
Punchestown? A metal gig.
Through someone else’s eyes you will see a different side to yourself, this can feel nice.
Unconscious biases about the opposite sex may well fall away as you hear new stories and new ideas.So how should we approach dating without fear?
A good dollop of humour always helps and breaks the ice. And let’s face it who doesn’t have one or two funny dating stories to giggle over with their friends
Use the opportunity to try out a new look, a new outfit. Feel good, feel different each time.
Notice the language you use, is it full of no’s, can’ts, don’ts, double negatives, ex-talk? Avoid draining the life of this complete stranger with this stuff, you will sound like you have been around the block a few times and who wants that person.
Avoid getting hung up on ‘the one’, instead, consider the person opposite you as just another human being trying to connect with you in the best way they know how. Give them a break.
Keep an open-mind, so your date is not George Clooney and they don’t have the 191D reg in the carpark plus the holiday home in Biarritz is closer to a mobile home in Courtown (don’t knock it). Are they really listening to you? Did you laugh? Did you feel really good? If yes, well then else matters right now?
So there’s no spark, be friendly anyway, have another drink, stay a while be polite, Dublin is tiny, you are likely to bump into each other again. Enjoy some banter and some more conversation and you never know, you might have made a friend.